I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
