when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
