Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
