they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
