omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
