Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
