girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
