you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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