i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
