JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
