Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
