yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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