U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
