She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
lets start a swedish sibling band together
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
