so explain again why im purple
no
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we're making bets on your personal life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
