How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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