He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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