You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
