Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
