I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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