I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
