So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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