I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
