I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
