I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
