Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
