i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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