How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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