alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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