Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
