i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
