"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
