i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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