I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
