it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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