Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
