So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
