Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
