I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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