I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
