im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
