i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
