What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
