Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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