so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
