Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
