Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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