dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
