i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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