i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
