party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
