Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
