like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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