Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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