She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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