Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
