Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
